the talking dog
December 2001 Postings
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The Left-Leaning Dog Says:
The Rabid Dog Says:
December 31, 2001.
Well, so long and good riddance to Y2K1. Maybe, let us pray, Y2K2 will be a year that at least
approaches a peaceful and fulfilling one for
my dear RD, aside from not giving a damn about
either Yasser or Bibi right now for the same
reason (to paraphrase Ariel Sharon, at the
moment, both are irrelevant), the Palestinian
"issue" is, as it has always been a
Since Golda Meir (born in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin) defined herself as a
"Palestinian", and historical
"Palestine" extended much farther and
wider than the current Israel plus occupied
territories, we have many slippery definitions.
easy answer is that the "Palestinians"
are simply Arabs,
of which there are hundreds of millions
over a score of nations and thousands of times
the land mass of Israel, who have been used by
the Arab world as political pawns to express
their displeasure at the EXISTENCE of the Jewish
State, anywhere in the world of course, but in
their midst, particularly.
Also, rather than reconcile themselves
with the international mandate that created the
Jewish state, the "Palestinians"
immediately tried to destroy it -- and did so
again and again (48, 56, 67, 73, currently).
we need to know for our purposes is that there
was a deal -- perhaps not the perfect deal --
perhaps not even the FINAL deal -- but a deal
that all objective parties believed was
inconceivable that Israel would offer.
The Palestinians not only found a
pretense to turn it down, they initiated the
bloodiest round of intifada yet.
If they wanted to be free of Israeli
occupation and "oppression"
("oppression that historically their
ancestors sought by being attracted to Palestine
in the first place to benefit from health and
infrastructure improvements brought in by the
hated Zionists), in a contiguous state with
Jerusalem as its capital, all Yasser had to do
was sign. Of
course, had he done so, the freedom loving
Palestinian people probably would have
assassinated him for doing so.
So what can I say?
to paraphrase the Passover Seder:
maybe next year in Jerusalem...
(though, if it involves flying, your LLD
probably won't be going there!)
December 28, 2001.
Well, let me take a moment away from the
Israeli-Palestinian fiasco to note that two of
our “coalition partners” in the "war
against terrorism" have, evidently, taken
it upon themselves to upstage our 1,000 troop
"war" by lining up armies and
threatening to launch nuclear weapons at each
our president now (presumably) KNOWS the names
Musharraf and Vajpayee.
Because, while we were watching our OWN
capital engulfed in the flames of terrorist
hatred, we ignored the fact that India has now
had to endure similar attacks against a state
capital, and its national parliament, attacks
unquestionably sponsored and directed, if not
outright carried out by, our "friends"
in the Pakistani ISS terrorist -- I mean
intelligence -- service.
Somebody better move fast, before the
world's two newest nuclear powers blow the crap
out of each other -- which will REALLY fuck
No, don't send Colin for this one, Dubya.
Consider going yourself.
It’s that important.
onto the side show.
I find it amusing that a terrorist group
that got itself a seat on the United Nations,
and could control the agenda of that body to the
point where literally the majority of its
resolutions over the years seem to be devoted to
condemning exactly one democratic state (not to
mention the Durban fiasco), with the tacit
financial and military backing of the BILLION
STRONG Moslem world, and whose favorite tactic
seems to be the deliberate targeting of
civilians (which has included numerous Americans
over the years), should be construed as the
I find it odd that the RD somehow equates
anti-hero worship with liberalism.
By this logic, of course, all liberals
should now be rooting for the outgunned Taliban
and al Qaeda, because a vastly superior force is
stalking and uprooting them.
Pish posh, I say.
December 27, 2001.
Welcome back to the rabid dog, making a
Your LLD was getting lonely.
Actually, if the RD was paying attention
to this side of the line, he would have noticed
that your LLD had proposed a peace plan that
gave the "oppressed" Palestinians a
contiguous territory and some cash.
I assure you that Yasir and the boys
would find a way to turn THAT down to. Alas, the Palestinians (like the Saudis and most of the Arab
world) don't have the Zionist entity as they
call it even listed on their school maps.
Their maps, like their hearts and minds,
[the Jordan] river to [the Mediterranean] sea.
Their true aspiration is to fulfill their
fantasy: to coexist with, well, no one --
because their goal is for there not to be a
Jewish state, which is why they have
participated in endless attacks on Israel.
haven't hundreds of millions of Arabs been able
to displace a couple of million Jews in an area
the size of New Jersey?
Doesn't matter why: they're
just not going to do it.
But they can still try.
Which is why, even when a Palestinian
state is eventually foisted upon them (and it
will be), all it will be used for is a staging
ground for yet another attack on Israel.
December 26, 2001.
News of the world:
Richard Reed (that apparently IS his
name) is British in origin, resident of Brixton,
East London, of Jamaican mother and English
father, and a convert to Islam (and attended the
same mosque in Brixton as Mr. Massoui, currently
on trial as "the 20th hijacker").
Further, anecdotal evidence places him,
during a known stint in Pakistan, in Al Qaeda
Well, while December is clearly not over
(and your LLD shudders about what might happen
New Year’s Eve -- though the blessed St. Rudy
will still be in charge of security here until
the following morning), given that the target
was AMERICAN Airlines, the target of two
September and one November acts of terror, we
can tentatively conclude that blowing up a Paris
to Miami flight was the intended Christmas
present to America from al Qaeda.
(By the way, Mrs. LLD believes that
AMERICAN Airlines continues to be targeted
because of its name, just as was tabloid
publisher AMERICAN Media targeted for anthrax. There is much to what Mrs. LLD says, given the seeming al
Qaeda obsession with symbols AMERICAN.
Your LLD is also of the opinion, however,
that American Airlines should seriously
scrutinize its security contractors -- and then
have them flogged.
Flying or not flying on American Airlines
won't be an issue for your LLD: he won't be
flying ANYWHERE anytime soon.)
[Editor’s Note: And the WORLD Trade Center fits into this name
equation…how, exactly? We live in
AMERICA, hence there are a lot of things bearing
that name as a juicy terrorist targets.]
just when we stopped paying attention to Israel
for five minutes after Israel properly kept
Arafat under tent arrest, or whatever form of
travel restriction applies to keep him from a
Christmas photo op in Bethlehem, along comes YET
ANOTHER bin Laden videotape making us pay
Once again, we wonder when our government
will let the rest of us in on what 100,000
United States based subscribers to Al Jazeera by
satellite ALREADY KNOW (obviously, the absurdity
of our government's censoring English language
media outlets from broadcasting bin Laden's
piffle here because he might send some
"secret message" is crystal clear,
considering that a large audience of Arabic
speakers HERE will have already seen him,
unedited, in his own language!)
those of you with Arab text support who can read
Arabic, try www.aljazeera.net.
(Don't worry, although the CIA will
doubtless monitor your monitoring, less than 5
of its officers even speak Arabic, so they won't
know what you're up to).
December 25, 2001.
Peace on earth and good will toward man
from us here at The
Since none of that is really going to
happen, we will at least hope for some sort of a
cease fire for the foreseeable future, as an
December 21, 2001.
Happy first day of winter and shortest
day of the year, to our Moslem readers, a
belated Happy Eid
(just kidding, we have no Moslem readers,
though all are welcome), and to all, a happy
holiday season -- to the extent that this is the
least bit possible, in this most fucked up of
all possible years.
(Even Baby LLD has, most
uncharacteristically, been a bit under the
weather, which kept your LLD quieter than usual. Fortunately, she is feeling much better.)
the beat goes on:
kudos (in a rare, non-sarcastic way) to
Tom Daschle for having the balls to "Just
Say No" to a massive regressive tax
give-back called the "Republican Stimulus
Package" -- doubtless, invented by the
principals of Enron for the purpose of funding
their legal defense!
And to say fuck you to some of Bush's
And to the Senate Majority Leader's
polite obstruction, while still being patriotic,
in the face of a really nasty Administration and
House of Representatives, for whom
bipartisanship means getting their way.
(If Trent Lott were worth a damn, of
course, he would be developing a centrist
coalition, of course, which could get at least a
modified Republican agenda, as opposed to the
forced position of simply having to obstruct.)
Most Americans, of course, want the
absurd right-wing agenda being pushed even more
forcefully since 9-11 STYMIED -- and the polite,
understated Daschle seems to be the man to do
it up, Tom.
December 16, 2001.
In case some of you were wondering why
your LLD would apparently pander to the
President (particularly so close to the one-year
anniversary of the Supreme Court's election that
overrode the American people's election that
MADE him the president), let me just say that
one does not have to agree with everything -- or
indeed ANYTHING -- the sitting government is
doing, to support it wholeheartedly in time of
answer to the question of is the president (a) a
well-meaning dilettante boob in over his head,
who is forced to defer to his more seasoned and
intelligent advisors, even if more experience
and intelligence on his part would tell him to
demur in the interest of the big picture; or (b)
inexperienced, but nonetheless a man of character who has risen fast to take charge of the
situation, while brilliantly surrounding himself
with wise counsel in the process -- all bets
lean toward (a), especially since that wise
counsel doubtless includes his father,
previously the stupidest man ever to hold the
December 15, 2001.
Well, watching the president make a
pre-game address to the squad of the hapless
Naval Academy football squad, which lost its
final game (going 0-11, I believe) against Army
in the season-ender, it’s just hard not to
like the guy at a personal level, just as,
during the campaign, anyway, it was hard to LIKE
Al Gore, and why under ANY context, it’s hard
to like Mark Green.
Dubya just seems like a sincere, likeable
man, in the way that his smarmy Rhodes scholar
predecessor only pretended to be.
Further, he has shown the character to
refuse to shake hands with that bastard Arafat,
as well as pulling out of the Durban
"racism conference" fiasco. (If Secretary Powell weren't scrambling to undo in substance
the effectiveness of the rhetorical snub, we
might actually have a sensible policy in that
area -- which is to say, to FUCK the people who
tried to destroy this country and damn their
sensitivities, and wholeheartedly support the
country that, to the greatest degree anyway, is
a liberal democracy, albeit a flawed one, and
with that in mind, IMPOSING a territorial
settlement on the Palestinians that includes the
continued existence of the Jewish state backed
with a formal United States defense commitment,
like it or not).
The RD should have a field day with that
said, what the hell is he up to with the ABM
Your LLD does not disagree with the
premise that, with the Cold War over (albeit,
not SAFELY over:
it would be inconceivable for a terrorist
group to dare take on the United States itself
with even the remotest possibility of triggering
a direct response ultimately against the Soviet
homeland -- continuing apologies to
apartheid-era South Africa for use of the term),
the tenets of Cold War arms control probably
need to be re-worked.
The problem is, Russia is doing something
EXTREMELY troubling in the nuclear area right
now: it is giving psychotic, terrorist
sponsoring, anti-American Iranian ayatollahs the
means to make atomic and hydrogen bombs.
we to believe that bin Laden -- who loves to
produce his own stuff for the Arab Street's
consumption -- would just leave a gem like this
dunno, your LLD, who, like all Americans, has
ZERO doubt of bin Laden's complicity and
responsibility for 9/11, sincerely doubts the
authenticity of this tape, certainly as a whole
and as presented.
that Bin Laden has been allowed to walk the
Earth after the heinous atrocities he ADMITTED
to performing in East Africa in 1998, which adds
to Bill Clinton's crimes against humanity the
events of September 11th, as he had nearly three
years to have Bin Laden hunted down and killed,
and the so-called retaliation by destroying a
SUDANESE MEDICINE PLANT gets added, as Chris
Hitchens would like, as a WAR CRIME committed by
Bill Clinton in the name of apparent libidinal
December 11, 2001.
Your LLD (in lower Manhattan while
performing his monthly voluntary, and grossly
unappreciated, service as a special master in
the state's court system) took a bizarre stroll
this evening, around his former office building
(and home to his job for 5 1/2 years), a walk
not taken since the morning of September 11th
building is now, part of a frenzy of activity
literally designed to clean every molecule of
air in it (PCB, asbestos, and other goodies
occupy that building; my former law firm does
building (100 Church Street) was, and is,
located a block from Ground Zero, and indeed, is
now the closest point to Ground Zero one is
allowed to get without a fire hat or badge.
best, the experience is hard for even your
relatively prolix LLD to reduce to words.
I will spare everyone the cliché: in all honesty, it seemed DIFFERENT -- all, totally different.
And yes, I had some minor flashbacks and
are eons away from "returning to
normal" in that part of the world.
December 10, 2001.
And so, we bombard some caves near Tora
Bora, which I continue to insist must be in the
South Pacific, rather than in Afghanistan (the
caves are, in fact, in Eastern Afghanistan, near
the Pakistani border).
Is Osama home? Apparently, he doesn't want to come out to play, anymore.
the success of the endeavor has had some amazing
even the never even-handed European Union
has actually come out with a statement not
openly mocking of and condemnatory to Israel --
acknowledging that Arafat must dismantle Hamas
and other terrorist groups that can be read in The
Happy Hanukkah from Brussels, apparently.
Brooklyn, December 8, 2001. Well, let's hear it for Representative Condit, who, like many, have decided that the WTC tragedy, and the resulting surge in patriotism and calls (though not action) for self-sacrifice, to wit "United We Stand", wearing flag lapels and all the sort of thing should in NO sense diminish the opportunity for taking PERSONAL advantage of this situation -- lest, of course, it not be a TOTAL TRAGEDY. Let us at The Talking Dog -- who predicted this within days of September 11th -- tell the rest of you with this link to the Sacramento Bee: Gary Condit has filed to run for reelection.
December 6, 2001.
Well, Mullah Omar has come out of his car
long enough (apparently) to negotiate a
side-switch surrender with the Northern
alliance, and he will give up Kandahar in the
price will probably be his own safe escort out
of Afghanistan, into Pakistan perhaps.
Since we have been reticent about
enforcing our will, and won't put our ground
forces there to enforce it in an meaningful
numbers in any event (other than, apparently,
enough to hit with friendly fire!), the Northern
Alliance can actually make that call on its own,
if it wants.
They know the rules:
Omar is an evil nut -- but an AFGHAN evil
Laden & Co. are foreigners or Arabs -- so
they can't be traded or amnestied (by the
Only Secretary Powell can do that.
better or worse, we can now take pride in having
liberated THREE Muslim countries (Bosnia,
Kosovo, and now Afghanistan) in the last ten
years, for which our reward has been the undying
hatred of the Arab world (and the murder of
thousands of our civilians).
We are in perfect position now, without
firing a shot of our own this time, in
Palestine, to liberate a fourth, through an
IMPOSED peace settlement (which, to satisfy the
ISRAELIS – yes, their satisfaction MATTERS)
should probably include no more than a
ceremonial role for Arafat, with a forced
(externally, by the United States) set of
democratic institutions dumped on the
Palestinians, whether they like them or not.
(Your LLD likes this idea more, because
it completely undermines the Clinton posturing
of just getting two parties, no matter how
absurd it is, to "talk", resulting in
disaster in Northern Ireland, the Middle East,
and many other places- and hopefully, should
further besmirch the Clinton Administration in
ways that even the under-reported fiasco of its
evident rebuffing of Sudan's attempts to
extradite bin Laden!)
December 5, 2001.
For an interesting perspective on the
end-game of the Sharon government's current
minuet with Yasser Arafat (all but blowing up
his house!), see this News
this point, your LLD has no idea on how this
will, or even should, turn out.
Unfortunately, the reality is that the
United States will insist on an excess of
"pragmatism" while our
"friends" in Iran buy nuclear
materials and the mid-range weapons to deliver
them from our other friends in Russia, while we
tacitly encourage this by under-funding efforts
to dismantle the Russian nuclear arsenal (so we
can fund bigger tax cuts).
So since "pragmatism" will
govern, I will try to work in low-rise
is obviously a bad man who, objectively, no one
would mind seeing displaced, certainly from
On the other hand for the most part the
people behind him are much crazier than he is.
Your LLD would love nothing more than to
see a series of progressive democratic regimes
in the Middle East- starting with Palestine, and
then moving through Syria, and Iraq -- a group
of strong allies this country can rely on.
I am pragmatic to know this:
ain't gonna happen.
At least, its not foreseeable.
December 4, 2001.
Well, as the stories of
extra-constitutional derring-do on the part of
our extremely popular government begin to mount,
we would be remiss if we did not comment on the
new Robert F. Kennedy Department of Justice
Building -- named after the first
and Mrs. Clinton take note, our ORIGINAL
grandstanding carpet-bagging New York Senator
get your LLD wrong, in all fairness to the late
RFK, its not as if the Bush Administration were
naming the Justice Department Building the John
Mitchell Building, or perhaps even the Ed Meese
Building (disclosure: your LLD at one time
worked in the department headed by Mr. Meese).
Still, it DOES seem comparable to
christening it the Joseph McCarthy Senate Office
Building (after all, the late Attorney General
and NY Senator was a close protégé of Senator
Tailgunner Joe), or perhaps, the Henry Kissinger
Human Rights Commission Building.
December 2, 2001.
Welcome to yet another month of script
here at The Talking Dog.
What can we expect from December, 2001?
Doubtless-, more suicide bomber attacks
in Israel (2 dozen ALREADY DEAD as I write this
in a mall and bus bombing), followed by Sharon
rushing back from Washington, followed by
reprisals, followed by more suicide bombings.
And more terrorist actions against New
York -- the pattern so far: September, plane
crashes into WTC; October, anthrax; November,
another plane crash. December? If we
knew, it wouldn't be terrorists,. now, would it?
and another assault on civil liberty and the
Constitution from Attorney General Ashcroft. Your LLD has harped on some peak moments, the "military
tribunals" (Dubya thinks he's Lincoln, or
FDR), the in camera secret detentions.
We should add the endless interrogations
-- the call, for example, in the Detroit area,
for Arab American males to submit themselves for
questioning (or be subject to law enforcement
Dub says "love thy ARAB OIL PROVIDING
neighbor", and "this isn't a war
against Islam", Attorney General Ashcroft
and minions are incredulous:
of course that's EXACTLY what this is.
Frankly, the absurdity of it all is
maddening, when one realizes how this is all
likely perpetrators or at least
confidantes of perpetrators WITH LIKELY
KNOWLEDGE, such as THE BIN LADEN FAMILY, are
promptly escorted out of the reach of American
law enforcement with the help and blessing of
our State Department; key Al Qaeda documents in
Kabul, many of which would disclose most of its
Western networks, are NOT RETRIEVED by our
intelligence service or military (largely
because we don't really HAVE intelligence or
military services there), but instead by
journalists or looters or whomever.
Instead, we believe MORE FRUITFUL areas
of intelligence are schmucky Middle Eastern
immigrants, presumably most of whom have no
POTENTIAL for supplying useful information.
Happy New Year...Same As the Old Year. I cannot believe the lengths to which Jewish liberals (in the context of left- leaning dogs, perhaps they should be called "Hebrew Nationals") will go to defend Israeli actions. At the risk of having our civilized dialogue devolve into a dogfight, I will briefly note that if Palestinians are "simply" Arabs, then Israelis are "merely" Jews. So what, you say? Exactly.
The "right" to a state, such as one exists for any group of people is just a legal construct anyway, a matter of economic, military and political might having very little to do with moral "rights" or edicts from God. The Israelis have no more "right" to the land on which they live now than do New Yorkers have to Manhattan...that is, they have every "right" as long as they have the wherewithal to keep the original inhabitants from reclaiming the land.
(And what grousers those Indians are! We gave them all that great reservation land in the tundra of the Great Plains and in the wilderness of places like Connecticut and upstate New York and then set them free to run...casinos...)
Right now, the Israelis obviously have the military upper hand, and perhaps, because of the suicide bombers, they have even briefly regained the political upper hand. But they won't have it for long, especially not with pictures of rock-throwing Palestinian teens being blasted by Israeli tanks being continuously broadcast into our living rooms. The Palestinians have made lots of dumb moves -- managing the media has not been one of them. The Israelis can negotiate now, while they still have some political capital...or they can keep stonewalling. Perhaps their military dominance will indefinitely trump Arab economic (read: oil) and political (read: oil) dominance. Were I an Israeli, however, I would not want to bet on it.
Finally, although there is some dispute over what was really offered in the so-called "final" deal, why can't Israel, the vastly superior military power, just enforce the deal unilaterally? Pull out. Stop building settlements. Go home. Why punish the Palestinians anymore for having an unpopular leader than the Afghanis for having the misfortune to have been overrun by the Taliban and al Qaeda?
Bibi or Yasser? Which one one would you trust to hold your wallet? The answer, of course, is neither...but all that tells us is how unpalatable are the options in this conflict. A good liberal would, of course, try to see the "good" in the Palestinian cause...as they are clearly being oppressed by both Israel and their corrupt leadership. (The undermanned Taliban and al Qaeda are obviously oppressors of their peoples and hence inappropriate analogs by my increasingly less esteemed pound-mate...while his status as a lefty is questionable, clearly, he really is a dog and not a fox. I would also add that the Founding Fathers would not have been particularly keen to negotiate a peace with the King of England had the terms included continued British settlements in downtown New York, Philadelphia and Boston as well as dominion over Washington.)
Defining Left-Leaning Down. Truly, the southpaw dog helps to redefine liberalism every time he sits at his keyboard.
Let me see if I've got this straight: the guys in the uniforms with the guns and planes and tanks are the oppressed ones, while the ones with makeshift bombs who were pushed off their land are the heavies. Is that right?
While I wouldn't go so far as to analogize the Palestinians with American Indians (who are undoubtedly spared the disdain of the Limousine Liberal Dog because they didn't have access to plastic explosives in their day), it certainly is fair to point out that the very country currently indulging our prose stylings was started by people who were, in essence, terrorists who felt they were being taken advantage of and took steps to expel their "oppressors".
But then, maybe my esteemed colleague only views a cause as righteous if it's a sure winner backed by superior firepower.
I'm Back! And, frankly, I don't know where to start, as are two months of left-leaning drivel to counteract. But for the sake of argument, let's begin with Palestine, as in: why in the world is a putative "left-leaner" so eager to see a poor, oppressed group of people continue to be denied self-determination? Admittedly, Osama bin Laden has grabbed this issue and run with it after seemingly having little interest in the past, but so what? Osama is a bright guy, and the issue is a good one: sad people, pushed off their land, trying to get attention by throwing rocks and blowing themselves up. A military power smashing them to smithereens on a regular basis. Without a political voice, a voice that should presumably be a liberal one, what choice do they have? They aren't going to beat the Israelis on the battlefield, after all.
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