the talking dog
November 2001 Postings
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The Rabid Dog Says:
November 30, 2001.
Well, fortunately for us, the Northern
Alliance continues its move, with the tacit
support of Don "Sore Hand" Rumsfeld,
and the derision of Secretary of State Powell,
and, in general defiance of the Bush
Administration's standing policy not to give the
guys who have successfully completed most of our
mission for us-- squat at peace time (because
our "friend"-- the tacit client of
China, and sponsor of the Taliban -- Pakistan--
won't like it too much).
November 29, 2001.
We, of course, hear that the bounty on
Osama's head may be increased from $25,000,000
Your LLD has quipped that if the bounty
were high enough, perhaps Osama (himself
reported with a personal fortune estimated at
$300,000,000) might turn himself in.
accurately, however, the Bush Administration,
which seems hell-bent on reneging (as fast as it
can) on the promised $20,000,000,000
(we love to throw zeros around) in aid to
New York City.
So, since it won't keep that promise, why
should anyone assume it will keep the promise to
pay on the bounty?
NO ONE believes that promise, just as no
one believes (seriously) that the United States
will stick around in Afghanistan very long once
Osama is dead.
we ALREADY have a credibility problem!
Just as Papa Bush foolishly
"promised" "no new taxes",
which cost him dearly against Slick Willy.
So, Son of George Herbert Walker, don't
make that mistake!
Keep your damned promise to this City and
stop with the damned giveaways to your
undeserving rich friends (such as the still rich
and successful principals of the formerly rich
and successful Enron corporation).
November 27, 2001.
Well, kudos to the Defense Department --
first, for succumbing to the inevitable, and
holding fast even though the United States has,
unfortunately though inevitably, finally
suffered combat casualties.
And second, for having the temerity to
assume that the Saudis would cooperate with us
in ANYTHING -- notably this time in providing
Osama bin Laden's DNA samples (so that when one
of his doubles turns up in the form of a
bullet-ridden corpse, we can make sure its
actually THE Evildoer and not just An Evildoer).
November 25, 2001.
Well, our unseen editor has forwarded
your LLD a report from the often reliable Matt
Drudge, stating that in the
what can we say?
It was hard, of course, but John Ashcroft
has proven himself an even greater enemy of our
constitution than his immediate predecessor,
former AG and future Florida governor Reno (as
if there was any doubt that he would!
His latest shtick is that he's "too
busy" to appear before Congressional
hearings over his recent actions!).
And Colin Powell is doubtless delighted:
perhaps he can trade the Israelis as hostages
for some new unilateral Israeli concession in
the "peace process".
Naturally, since the incarcerations are,
by definition of the Bush-era, SECRET, the
public thinks that only Arab males with some
link to the terror are in lock-up.
What this ALSO does is make us question
whether there is any rational connection with
many of the ARABS being held with the 9-11
as I was beginning to feel better about the
civil liberty-security trade-off, there seems to
be no reason to!
Indeed, the Bush Administration DOES want
semi-dictatorial powers NOT to protect the
nation (a record on which it joins the Clinton
Administration as the first administrations to
warrant, thus far, an absolute "F"
grade), but, simply to HAVE semi-dictatorial
power for the purpose of using it arbitrarily.
November 23, 2001.
Well, we would be remiss if we did not
recall that fateful day just about two years ago
when Elian Gonzalez washed up onto our shores
(actually, the whole point was that he DID NOT
wash up onto our shores, but was picked up as
the sole survivor of a capsized refugee boat by
the Coast Guard).
you will recall, Elian, after being with his
"relatives" (at best, they were
several generations removed from him; his actual
relatives consisted of his mother, who drowned
on the aforementioned refugee boat, and his
father, an employee of Castro's government,
along with his extended family, all in Cuba),
was, in the SOLE appropriate execution of policy
by former U.S. Attorney General and future
Florida Governor Janet Reno, forcibly removed
from those "Miami relatives",
consistent with U.S. law and court holdings.
Recall that the Elian case was a
precursor of bizarre, conflicting trips to
several courts around the Florida court system
that would be repeated after the '00 election
(when we - or at least our Supreme Court-
elected an '00 candidate!).
rest is history.
In a never ending attempt to pander to
the voters of Florida (actually, only 4% of
those voters, the Cuban-Americans, the other 96%
of Florida's population probably hoping that
SOMETHING would take attention away from their
state -- which SINCE that time has hosted an
election debacle, terrorist flight school, an
anthrax laboratory, and, well, you know), failed
candidate Al Gore started a series of bold
anti-Clinton Administration initiatives, which
showed him to be little better than the
characterless principle-less libertine he sought
to replace (an image he only managed to shake in
bring up Cuba at this stage, because, well, the
maniacal president of (OPEC member) Venezuela is
an ardent fan of Castro, and, of course, because
under the law of conservation of Spanish
American War acquisitions, something will
probably happen involving Cuba pretty soon!
Well, we have plenty of time: we can wait
and see what happens in Kunduz or Kandahar, or
wherever nasty things are going to be
perpetrated on those sadists masquerading as
religious nuts, the Taliban.
Somehow, war crimes in this context are
just a little less bothersome to your LLD.
you're all enjoying your Thanksgiving weekend.
November 21, 2001.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving to all.
We here at The Talking Dog are
delighted (and, hackneyed as it is, THANKFUL)
that, apparently by providence if not by design,
the United States appears to be close to its
objective of rooting out the Taliban from power
in Afghanistan -- even if the purported perps of
9-11 (why wasn't Operation "Infinite
Justice" and now "Enduring
Freedom" simply 911, the ultimate emergency
guess you can teach Bush to throw a perfect
strike for a World Series pitch, but you can't
seem to teach him anything else -- like English;
but I digress) -- that is to say, even if the Al
Qaeda perps won't really have to worry much
about our new extra-constitutional military
courts -- because they will either be summarily
executed by our nasty proxy allies, or they will
simply escape into Pakistan, appearing to be
ordinary Afghan refugees, thus invoking that
most storied of all legal principles: MOOTNESS. There
seems to be no need for "American"
military summary trials:
that would require the actual presence of
Americans in the theatre of operations!
So I'm not even sure why your LLD is
worried about the constitutional implications in
the first place?
Apparently, in an amazing turnabout, by
law of the "conservation of Spanish
American War acquisitions" -- President
Bush has decided that we will no longer train at
Puerto Rican isle of Vieques, but instead, we
will turn the war on terrorism upon Islamic
rebels in the Philippines (the Philippines?).
Yes, the Philippines.
I guess we won't have TOO many logistical
problems; the Philippines are officially our
ally, and indeed, until recently, we had some
rather large naval bases there.
Of course, the Philippines is a really
long way from Saddam Hussein, which is, I
suppose, the point.
Well, with Puerto Rico spared, and the Philippines in play, can Guam be far behind?
November 19, 2001.
Well, the reports keep comin' in: with the Taliban on the run, there are plenty of atrocities in
Afghanistan to go around!
the United States, in the interest of
expedience, has aligned itself with parties that
were so nasty, at one time, the Taliban was a
Well, they're back.
Of course, bin Laden and company will now
likely retreat to more defensible positions in
caves in the Afghan hinterlands, until we can
capture them and subject them to summary trials.
Or until Secretary Powell and company can
offer them a general amnesty, or some other
treat to "keep the alliance together".
your LLD understands that extraordinary times
require a tortuous stretching of things,
including legal principles of our "trial
He would be more receptive, of course, if
our "leadership" acknowledged these to
BE extraordinary times, and didn't tell us to
"go about our business" and
"resume our normal lives" and
"drive larger SUVs" and "spend
that bigger tax refund".
This seems to be the parenthetical war --
certainly by our degree of commitment to it.
That said, while if we were in a national
state of gas rationing and radical development
of energy independence, I probably would accept
the idea of "summary military courts",
I don't think a government as unserious as ours
gets to be so arbitrary.
At least not yet.
November 15, 2001.
Well, we forgot to give kudos to the
President for his executive order on the secret
detention, trial and execution in
unconstitutional secret military courts of
foreigners caught abroad who we have decided
committed acts of terrorism!
Let's show 'em that the United States
means business (how we round up such
"terrorists" with our "Army of
One" remains to be worked out; perhaps the
bad guys will surrender to us).
we here at The Talking Dog have been saying
since Ari Fleischer uttered the now famous
"everyone had better watch what they
say", we think the LAST thing the United
States needs to do in a time of crisis, when our
constitution and freedom are under attack, is to
honor their principles!
So go ahead, round up whoever you want,
shoot 'em all, and let Allah sort 'em out.
Forget the fact that that's pretty much
how the Taliban do things!
Because we are SO afraid that Osama might
actually insist on being tried in a
"fair" court -- where he might
actually use the occasion to SPEAK.
Unbelievable, the nerve of that bastard
to think HE gets a trial.
As a New York radio show pointed out
(comparing the fact that bin Laden, like O.J.
Simpson, demanded questions in advance of an
"interview") who does this bin Laden
think he is, O.J. Simpson?
the Bush Administration NEEDS to scrap our
constitution, if for no other reason, as a
reward because it has been SO successful at
combating terrorism under our current system (by
our count, Evildoers 3 [9-11, anthrax, and
Flight 587, don't bullshit the LLD with crap
about "turbulence" or "birds”],
and good guys nothing (the approximate value of
all of the real estate in Afghanistan, noting
that Psycho Mullah Omar and Osama himself are
still at large after a month of bombing at
roughly ten percent of Kosovo levels).
course, ominously, the “secret” trials come
at the same time that the Bush Administration,
in defiance of law, insists that presidential
papers -- of Reagan, no less (who has said he
has no objection to their publication) -- be
kept a secret 'cause they might make Daddy look
November 14, 2001.
Well, we have a Republican president,
governor, mayor and mayor-elect (in our 85%
registered Democrat city – New York). It was only a matter of time before the arrival of that most
Republican of institutions:
the Bechtel Corporation!
A mainstay of the Reagan administration,
it’s good to see that the California
carpetbaggers have managed to secure a
"construction management" (more a
deconstruction management) contract for
"overseeing Ground Zero" -- with the
right to award up to 1 BILLION in subcontracts
Your tax dollars at work again.
all fairness, why should airlines, and private
security firms, and rich taxpayers get ALL of
the government perks -- surely, we needed
something for the Bechtel Corporation!
And now we have it!
too bad, of course, that Bechtel is privately
held, otherwise your LLD would suggest investing
in America's future.
November 13, 2001.
Colin Powell must be shitting in his
pants: the Northern Alliance has apparently
marched into Kabul, without his dream of a
pre-packaged post-war "moderate
Taliban" government in place.
Pakistan, the financial and moral and
military supporter of the Taliban (and, the
United States, of course), is doubtless upset
that it can't get an ethnic Pashtun group in
charge of "Afghanistan", as the place
(can we really even call it a country) located
to Pakistan's east is called.
What to do!
it appears that the Taliban have simply moved
South, toward Kandahar (and Pakistan), where
their support is stronger – and, of course,
where they can be closer to their military ally
(al Qaeda and bin Laden).
So there will be plenty of time for
Secretary Powell and our "coalition
partners" to snatch defeat for the United
States (and especially for New York, which is
beginning to take on the feel of Tokyo in a
the endless BLATANT LIES seem like the logical
way to communicate to the public by the Bush
family -- GHW Bush's favorite job was clearly
that of CIA director.
The inability of any public official (at
least at the federal level) to tell the truth on
ANY issue of public health or safety, if it
weren't probably going to result in the deaths
of thousands more Americans, would be hilarious.
Birds flying into the engine caused the
American Airlines flight to Santo Domingo to
powerful birds -- capable of blowing the plane
birds, no doubt.
we cannot rule out the possibility that
security at airline maintenance facilities has
been compromised, and we are investigating and
shoring up all areas of airport security (which,
by executive order, are now entirely under
federal control -- and all other bills will be
vetoed until the House of Representatives passes
the funding to make that happen),
and, although all citizens are asked to
maintain their vigilance, we still believe that
America's airlines are safe (though we are
taking all precautions).
November 8, 2001.
Just a few words after listening to the
President's speech at the Georgia National
Congress, or wherever the hell he was in
president closed with "Let's roll" --
a reference to the brave passengers on the
doomed flight that crashed in Pennsylvania,
whose actions saved hundreds,
if not thousands, of innocent people (and
I heard references to 4-year-old girls writing
letters, and high school kids, and I thought --
has the presidency been permanently
It may be wrong to expect a "We Will
Fight Them on the Beaches" speech from this
aren't we entitled to DEMAND that -- in a
situation far more analogous to the English
people at the Battle of Britain than we care to
reading between the lines is that, not
surprisingly, the "war" we are
half-heartedly "fighting" in
Afghanistan (we may be killing more people by
dropping food rations on them) is not going
"surprisingly resilient" Taliban --
which, thanks to Secretary Powell and his
"coalition" efforts and other
self-imposed restraints -- a rag tag, backward
group of medieval maniacs -- is holding off the
allegedly most powerful country and its fighting
of Taliban defections -- they are picking up
their credit, I think the Bush Administration
has realized that strategy 1 is not working
(hence, we don't hear much from Secretary Powell
I still don't know: I
do hope this government is sincerely on our
November 7, 2001.
Well, now that New York has safely
selected rich Ivy League-educated liberal Jew
Michael Bloomberg over rich Ivy League-educated
rich liberal Jew Mark Green, we can go on about
our business knowing that we have some hope of
preserving our property values and jobs (those
of us that still have property, or jobs, that
can now turn to the bizarre hesitancy on the
part of the Bush Administration to EMBRACE the
requests of NATO allies Germany, Italy and
France to lend troops to assist in our ground
action in Afghanistan.
Instead of seizing on this act of (albeit
self-interested European, but still legitimate)
generosity -- we are concerned that the damned
Europeans actually may want a say in how the war
Can you believe the nerve of those
might actually want to commit ground troops and
actually WIN the fucking war!
Those damned Europeans might actually BE
CONCERNED with STOPPING terrorism -- what with
their harboring a whole lot more Arab males than
even the United States -- who will doubtless
direct acts of terrorism at ALL Westerners (as
they have done for decades).
Those European bastards!
Who do they think they are -- the
Israelis (whose help we can also do without --
what do THEY know about terrorists after all)?
worse yet, they might offend our REAL allies,
those helpful coalition members like Sudan
(whose intelligence has been incredibly useful
-- not) or Saudi Arabia (who refuses
over-flights, airbases, or hell, everything else
we've asked them -- but we can’t offend those
useful "partners"), or Syria, or Egypt
(just read any leading Egyptian newspaper and
find anything nice about the United States; this
website will give the first person who pulls it
off a $10 reward if you can do it!!!)
November 5, 2001.
Well, 5 out of 6 pennants- and STILL 4
out of the last
6 world championships--
I guess the forces of the universe
decided enough was enough-- the plaything of
another crazed billionaire named Colangelo beat
out that of our beloved Yankees (the plaything
of a REALLY crazed billionaire named
So it goes.
so we get bogged down in non-diverting
Such as the circus that is our next
Your LLD is seriously considering
changing his "hold your nose" vote.
Mark Green was already despicable -- I've
said so myself, in this column. The New York Times endorsed him for the same lame
reason I did previously: he has years of
experience in our Byzantine city government,
that Bloomberg does not, and will have to catch
up for at a time when we can't afford to have a
neophyte at the wheel.
the other hand, Green got your LLD's nod over
Freddy Ferrer because, aside from Freddy's
stupidity, we despised his affiliation (and
endorsement by) Al Sharpton.
‘Nuff said, as we said.
while Mike Bloomberg was picking up the
bipartisan support of Republican Giuliani and
Democrats Koch and Hugh Carey, Green cost
himself our nod in the general when he accepted
the endorsement of the second-most vile Democrat
alive (after Al Sharpton, and just ahead of his
wife, New York's junior senator).
There, you know who I'm talking about.
You see, Mark, we can forgive the fact
that you're an asshole -- actually, one of the
world's biggest assholes.
In fact, Mark, you're the embodiment of
every asshole in school we never liked -- in one
can forgive the fact that you're a despicable
But to pose with Bill Clinton -- that's
it. You have convinced me, and moved me off the
I'm voting for Bloomberg, and urge the
rest of you to do the same.
4, 2001, Staten Island, Brooklyn, Queens,
Manhattan, the Bronx, and Manhattan.
Your LLD indulged his fantasy of being an
athlete today, and joined 30,000 people who our
mayor gave his highest compliment to: "YOU
ARE NOT AFRAID" (of terrorists, bunions,
and PAIN) at the base of the Verrazano Bridge, for what would turn out
to be a 5 hour 45 minute Odyssey.
The City came out in force:
the goodwill was palpable; your LLD must
have given 500 high fives: the City had a love fest with itself -- and even mid- to
back-of-packers like your LLD could do nothing
but feel the goodwill.
the start of the race, before the national
anthem, God Bless America, and the New
York City anthem (the Sinatra version of New
York, New York, sung along en masse), the mayor
of this City gave a speech to the runners so
short, and so moving, that your LLD calls upon
Dick Cheney to do his patriotic duty and resign
-- so that Mayor Rudy can replace him as vice
president, and run this country in its time of
greatest need (Dub won't mind; honestly, I think
Cheney is a lot of the problem -- what with his
being on the verge of death most of the time as
it is. The
irony of replacing a heart patient with a cancer
patient is not lost -- but Rudy has never looked
speech -- noting that the race was being
dedicated to real heroes -- fallen police and
firemen, our servicemen abroad, the other WTC
victims -- commended the runners for NOT BEING
then noted that we were in the greatest city in
the world, in probably the greatest marathon in
the world, because we were free to do whatever
we put our minds to, including running a
noted that our enemies were WRONG, and WE ARE
RIGHT -- period.
No kum-bay-a; no coalition -- just a
straight statement of fact, from the skills he
employed in turning around this
"ungovernable" city: I
don't care why people are engaging in acts of
disorder: if they ARE, I'll lock 'em up.
Sure, nobody's perfect, and overzealous
mistakes were made -- but on balance, how can
November 1, 2001.
Well, let's hear it from the Red Cross, for participating in
that most American of all pursuits: profiting
from disaster! Having
successfully raised hundreds of millions of
dollars from people all over America (including
your LLD), according to last Saturday's New
York Daily News, the American Red Cross has
yet to distribute money to victims of the WTC
disaster in any meaningful amounts.
In fact, the Red Cross has made a
decision that NOW is the time to upgrade its
computer systems, and headquarters office
furniture, and other "organizational"
tasks using its newfound booty.
Frankly, I've long wondered why I ever
give blood - considering that the Red Cross
SELLS IT FOR PROFIT (to "fund its
how about it guys?
By my revised count, with 4,000 or so
dead - that's probably 2 or 3 thousand widows
and widowers, and 6 or 7,000 orphans.
And let's not forget 100,000 newly minted
Having merrily been the recipient of
hundreds of millions of dollars intended for
their specific benefit, you think you could see
clear to send a few bucks their way?
given the progress of the "war on
terrorism", I suppose the old American Red
Cross can count on a few more disasters like
September 11th for future fundraising -- but
then, given how much money the ARC just raised,
perhaps it doesn't have to worry about those
sorts of things any more!
Our unseen editor has sent us a whiny blurb
from muckraker Matt Drudge complaining that suspicious
Israeli nationals -- who are entitled to no special
treatment for their immigration violations than anyone
else -- have been swept up in the necessary national
security induced post-9/11 action.
I ask the LLD, does he seriously believe that
foreign nationals are entitled to superior
constitutional rights than the security of our nation?
Just because they are Israelis?
did you see what a god job Bloomberg is doing in his
November 6, 2001 -- Election Day. The papers
are describing the Mayoral race as a dead heat, a nail
biter that won't be resolved until way past midnight.
Don't believe them. The race will be
called at 9:01 with a decisive 4 or 5 point lead for
Bloomberg. Sharpton is doing his best to destroy
Green by depressing the black vote, and Rudy has
delivered all of the undecided votes to Bloomberg with
a surprising enthusiastic endorsement.
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