February 17, 2006, Taking One for the Team
The vice-president believes he dodged a bullet (even if his good friend Harry still got peppered) as Harry Whittington left the hospital, and, showing what a good loyal GOP team player he is, apologized to Dick Cheney for all the trouble he caused by getting in the way of Dick's gun. Is that a friend? Ladies-- see if this man is single... He's not only loaded... he's ready to go when his friends are locked and loaded.
We all (when I say "we", I'm referring to the 70-80% of the American people who actually believe that Republicans are capable of committing crimes) immediately jumped to the conclusion that Dick Cheney and his people arranged for time to pass (and the cover of a post-accident cocktail) in order to let the probably crippling-to-a-normal-human-being-level-of-blood-alcohol leave his system to confound a possible breathylizer test...
When I was trying to remember another obnoxious rich White person who committed a heinous act while loaded (blaming the "white trash" victims for good measure!), it took the brilliance of Jim Capozzola to instantly bring it all into perspective: it was none other than Lizzie Grubman, a figure so notorious (albeit in the ancient historical past, a month or two before 9-11 changed everything) that she managed to be the subject of one of this blog's "talking dog points". Let's just say that "Two DUI Dick" was well aware of the precedent for avoiding... trouble. Certainly, with Harry having pulled through (for now), it looks like this will now blow over (it won't Dick... I'm up to six posts in a row on you... other than a "blog-burst" for some primary or something, I don't recall ever giving anyone or anything that treatment in 4 1/2 years of doing this damned blog).
But what if poor Harry kicked off... or, what if he doesn't live at least a year and a day and his death can be attributed to the gun-shot "accident"... then Dick's strategy will pay immense dividends, lest some cracker rural Texas sheriff thinks about "negligent homicide" or something like that... now that the veep's been cleared and s**t. Ha! Gotcha White man... no breathylizer! Suck on this, cracker! Ha!
Anyway, take a look at Harry's statement and ask yourself if it wasn't written by Elvis Costello... (Accidents will happen, We only hit and run,
I don't want to hear it, 'Cause I know what I've done...)
Next week, Dick Cheney tries an air rifle... pump it up, baby...